"They’re Not ‘Being Difficult’—Understanding the Feelings Behind Dementia Expressions"

Dementia doesn’t just affect memory—it changes the way a person experiences the world. Yet, one of the most common misconceptions is that people living with dementia are simply being difficult when they resist care, repeat themselves, or express frustration.

But what if we shifted our perspective?

Instead of seeing these behaviors as problems, we need to ask: What is this person trying to tell me?

Every Behavior Has a Meaning

Imagine being in a world where people speak a language you no longer understand, where your surroundings are unfamiliar, and where your own thoughts seem to slip away before you can hold onto them. Would you feel anxious? Scared? Frustrated?

That’s the reality for many people living with dementia. When they refuse a bath, it’s not about defiance—it may be because the water feels too cold, they feel vulnerable, or they don’t recognize the person helping them.

When they repeat the same question, it’s not to annoy anyone—it’s because they don’t remember asking it, and they may be feeling unsettled.

When they resist leaving home, it’s not stubbornness—it’s fear, because home is the last place they recognize as safe.

Why This Mindset Shift Matters

Caregivers, family members, and even professionals can sometimes fall into the trap of labeling behaviors as aggressive, uncooperative, or disruptive. But labeling these behaviors does nothing to help the person struggling with them.

Instead, we need to listen beyond words and see beyond actions.

• Agitation isn’t about being ‘difficult’—it’s about distress.

• Refusal isn’t about stubbornness—it’s about fear.

• Wandering isn’t about aimlessness—it’s about searching for security.

Practical Ways to Respond with Compassion

So, how can we respond in a way that truly helps?

✅ Validate, don’t correct. If someone insists their long-passed mother is coming to visit, instead of saying, “That’s not true,” respond with, “Tell me about your mom. She must have been very special to you.”

✅ Step into their reality. If they believe they’re late for work, rather than saying, “You haven’t worked in years!” try, “You’ve always been such a hard worker! Let’s sit and have some coffee before you go.”

✅ Find the need behind the behavior. If someone is constantly getting up and walking, ask yourself: Are they bored? Do they need to use the restroom? Are they uncomfortable sitting for too long?

The Bottom Line

Dementia isn’t just about memory loss—it’s about how a person feels in their world, moment to moment. When we stop seeing behaviors as problems and start seeing them as messages, we can respond in ways that bring comfort rather than conflict.

And maybe, just maybe, we can change the way the world understands dementia—one small act of empathy at a time.

Help Spread the Message—Let’s Change the Conversation Around Dementia

If this post resonated with you, please share it. Someone out there—whether a caregiver, a friend, or a healthcare professional—needs to hear this today.

💬 What’s one lesson you’ve learned from supporting someone with dementia? Share in the comments below—I’d love to hear your experiences.

Together, we can replace frustration with understanding and fear with compassion. Let’s make the world a kinder place for those living with dementia. 💙 #DementiaCare #CompassionMatters #UnderstandingDementia